All I Ever Wanted
by Dancing Darkness
Summary: He wanted to return to the times when everything was easy, when he was innocent. The days long gone. The Doctor's thoughts in End of Time, sort of a song-fic but fitting.


Hey! I'm back again! Just had this little inspiration listening to the Prince of Egypt soundtrack, a film I first watched when I was only ten I think.

It's based on the idea that I believe everyone has times they wished to return to, no matter how content you are. Everyone misses the innocence of childhood before the world went mad, a time when the most concerning thing was your dinner and the cartoons on tv. Remember those times?

I'm still traumatised after the 10th Doctor's death so naturally it's focused around him.

Please tell me what you think!

Anywho, enjoy!

Allons-y!

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**All I Ever Wanted**

As he stood there bruised and beaten he couldn't help but wonder where. Where had it all gone wrong? Where had the path got so twisted? Where had it become so hard to tell right from wrong, to know who he was on the inside?

He could barely remember a time when he'd been innocent of this outcome. Innocent of the pain and fury and the confusion of the world. A time when the world was kinder, the edges of the universe less defined, everything held that but more wonder.

A time when everything was _golden_.

How very long ago it was....

_Gleaming in the moonlight;  
Cool and clean and all I've ever known,  
All I ever wanted  
Sweet perfumes of incense  
And graceful rooms of alabaster stone  
All I ever wanted_

Everything had been so simple when he'd been a child on Gallifrey, back in the those halls and libraries and under that incredible sky. He'd never truly questioned for the early years of his life when he was surrounded by the familiar, the warm and the comforting. His home.

If he closed his eyes he could still see his house – rather his parents' house. It was fairly large actually, with a beautiful crimson lawn and a sparkling silver fountain. He remembered his mother's music room with its splendid bitonal piano and his father's study, a room full of documents and equations and books. The smell of borgonvillia and the dryness of old books. His own room with his endless contraptions and drawings, his wishings for another world.

He smiled.

He could still feel his mother's hand in his hair even now, his father's hand on his shoulder. His brother's hand between his shoulder-blades giving him a playful shove. That's how he preferred to remember his brother, a protective older sibling but a little bit of a jerk. They hadn't been overly close but he could still recall his brother's first face.

_This is my home:  
With my father, mother, brother;  
Oh so noble, oh so strong!  
Now I am home.  
Here among my trappings and belongings  
I belong.  
And if anybody doubts it  
They couldn't be more wrong! _

But here he lay surrounded by dust and decay on a planet so very far away. Here he stood alone. He'd like to return to those days for awhile, the days when the academy was his biggest concern.

The days before the war. The days before he thought it'd be clever to steal a TARDIS and go exploring. The days before his best friend became a lunatic with nothing but his death planned.

Oh how he missed those days! How he missed those songs!

He starred down the barrel of the gun at Rassilon. Maybe he could get it all back? Kill Rassilon and make the Time Lords abandon their idiotic plan, the Final Sanction, and take them back to the days of glory and warmth.

But to do that he'd have to win and unwinnable war.

Not so simple.

Why couldn't he go home? Why couldn't things be as they always were? He wouldn't change his journey for the world! He wouldn't change his companions, his loves or his human family. He wouldn't even give up his sacrifices.

Yet for a moment he questioned it all when Gallifrey drew near and he felt it. His brain reconnected with the minds of hundreds of Time Lords across it's surface. He felt them screaming, he felt them _dying_.

He had caused that. To save everyone he had caused _that_. For a moment he wished he could take it back. Who was he that he could exile his own to the blood and bones and flames? How could he do that to his children, his brother, his parents, his grandchildren, his own flesh and blood?

Just who was he that he could do that?

_I am a golden child of Gallifrey,  
A son of the proud history that's shown  
Etched on ev'ry wall.  
Surely this is all I ever wanted?  
All I ever wanted  
All I ever wanted _

Then he saw her. The woman who'd known his whole nine hundred and six years, knew him so well she could tell him his own thoughts better than he himself could.

He felt her in his mind. She said no words, she didn't need to. It was her touch, gentle and familiar. A mother's touch. It held no malice or blame. If anything there was approval.

From his birth everything had been leading up to this moment. His own words came back to him. _Maybe a Time Lord lives too long..._

Every song must end.

The diamond shattered, the white-point star exploding in a glorious supernova. The link was broken.

He turned to the man that was his was his species' source and power, the man who made the Time Lords great. The man who'd broken all they'd become. "Back into the Time War, Rassilon," he snarled, "back into hell!"

"You'll die with me."

He sighed, "I know."

Then something unexpected. "Get out of the way."

The Master saved him and in that moment he saw his best friend once more. The child he'd run across those endless fields with, who he'd spent his school days with. In that one singular glorious moment he saw Koschei as he had been: a grinning boy full of ambition. Not the twisted creature he'd become.

He'd thought it was over but no, never over. There was Wilfred. The man who got stuck. He should've seen it coming, all his sacrifices for nothing. He was still to die. He knew that and still he opened that glass door. He knew and yet he went.

_This is your home, my son.  
Here the river brought you  
And it's here the river meant  
To be your home  
Now you know the truth, love  
Now forget and be content  
When the gods send you a blessing  
You don't ask why it was sent... _

It all came to this. Time was running out and he was bleeding dry. Time had bought him here and at least given him a chance he'd never had before. A chance to say goodbye, to set his affairs in order.

He fought back the tears as he watched Donna marry, as he saved Luke and saw Martha. He nearly choked on them as he watched Rose leave. He wasn't ready. Not at all.

He staggered into the TARDIS as the Ood sang to him, sang his death song. Wasn't that nice of them.

He stared at her core as he moved her away from earth. He felt her concern but brushed it away, wincing in pain. No more would he walk these hallways and corridors, no more would he dance through time. The time for dancing was over.

But he didn't want it to be over!

He wanted it to continue, wanted to continue running. Like those times of old, like when he was young. All he ever wanted.

Finally he was _golden_ again. Look how his skin shone!

Yet he couldn't be more sad.

He didn't want to go.

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So? What did you think?

The song is All I Ever Wanted (don't know who by) and I did change the words but the number of syllables is the same and everything, I thought it fit more.

Please review? Please?

Love you all!

- D


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